I feel like: bursting into tears. Then bursting into flames. Just so i can say that i’ll never feel the same. I feel like jumping off a cliff and landing sand. Atleast i’ll live, plus the rush will feel grand. I feel like im never good enough. Like im the ace of spades and the dealer called my bluff. I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. But i know if i hold tight…only good things will cometh. (See what i did there?) I feel like i need to be in love. Or i’ll forget what it feels like. I feel like i need to get high above everything, just so it feels right. I feel…too strongly. Like everything i grasp will shake, rattle and break. So vulnerable, so much for my open heart to take. I feel like i got punched in the face.
OW.
I suppose, it’ll all go away somehow. Because this is only how i feel for now.

I am the definition of alone. JAZZ. I dont know what it is, but…i had a buncha friends, ‘homegirls’, bros, amigos, and even those one girls you call when everyone else seems busy. You know the ones that are slightly annoying, they think you’re cute and say “omg” alot. But now…i have no idea what happend. I guess i lost touch. Nobody comes around anymore. I find myself drinking 40 after 40 after 40 of King Cobra Malt Liquor & smoking alot of herb alone in my room, just to pass the time. I want things the way they used to be. I had a great life before. Im like a book. When i open the pages…i just see me. On every page. Me. Of course i have Friends. But they live in different cities and even states. And that doesnt really help me at all. Im not sure what to do at this point. I think im gonna become a pro at being alone, so im gonna stay in my house, have groceries delivered & get really fat.
Problem solved.